Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..