sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?