She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I died a long time ago.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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