we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"