Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
