i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
