I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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