dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
