She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
