In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
