It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
