Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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