im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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