yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
