1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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