Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
