I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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