Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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