Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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