I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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