Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
