I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
