This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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