so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
