I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
