My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My bed smells like the plague
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
