I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
