i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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