Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
