Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
