thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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