That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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