You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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