you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
