i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
