UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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