We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
