she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
