I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
