Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
