we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
