Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
