Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
