I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
