i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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