i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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