You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
