I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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