craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We had sex on a dog bed..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
