Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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