i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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