im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
