if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
