Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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