oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
