Define "chronic" masturbator.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick