the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had