i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday