I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.