Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

Define "chronic" masturbator.

Fav 14 1763 1823
share tweet
(601): View more from Mississippi

Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

Fav 60 3769 946
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

Fav 27 6395 1947
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man

Fav 21 5503 1144
share tweet
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(508): View more from Massachusetts

i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup

Fav 11 1323 4705
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

Fav 8 6466 1150
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.

Fav 7 1450 2784
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.

Fav 6 986 544
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(765): View more from Indiana

Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick

Fav 3 60 22
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT