Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.

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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How unfortunate for your Mom.

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(646): View more from New York

We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.

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(559): View more from California

if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow

(802): View more from Vermont

Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.

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(714): View more from California

Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had

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