i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.