Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present. http://tfl.nu/xf6g
  Replies (792) Good night (7913) Bad night (111417)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC http://tfl.nu/889w
  Replies (21) Good night (4768) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (1368) Bad night (3633)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends. http://tfl.nu/mxrh
  Replies (20) Good night (4691) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you. http://tfl.nu/a48g
  Replies (14) Good night (5580) Bad night (2201)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God" http://tfl.nu/z3qu
  Replies (3) Good night (5657) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Bonus points are bonus points regardless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you (571): Bonus points are bonus points regardless http://tfl.nu/vyof
  Replies (10) Good night (1146) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat http://tfl.nu/8oko
  Replies (2) Good night (1093) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom. (615): My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you. http://tfl.nu/pnfc
  Replies (3) Good night (903) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real http://tfl.nu/3eg3
  Replies (2) Good night (1056) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE. http://tfl.nu/l3z1
  Replies (8) Good night (1218) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/75a5
  Replies (0) Good night (736) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/be9w
  Replies (3) Good night (297) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex. http://tfl.nu/wq13
  Replies (6) Good night (1344) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"? http://tfl.nu/jmdv
  Replies (18) Good night (319) Bad night (601)

Randomize