Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle