...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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