what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
