so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
