You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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