You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
