I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
