Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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