did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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