just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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