I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
