12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
