well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize