Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
