he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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