tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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