I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
