i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
