Is it because I queefed?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is this the sara with the beer cane?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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