Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
