a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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