The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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