I wish I could punch you in the face.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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