i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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