tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
