so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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