i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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