In the future we'll all be gay
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
