According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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