Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize