thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
