The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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