Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize